stay in touch.

So i am managing through this whole issue of "reconnecting" with my PTSD after it lay buried under of warm, Pendleton of denial and solitude...awakening it may have not been a good thing...It may be the thing that pushes me over the edge of reason and into a whole new paradigm...It is what it is and in the end I probably owe a debt to the good colonel and his girlfriend for making me the crazy mother fucking indian that i have become...we will ride this last war pony to sundown...

So I am thinking that there is a whole secret issue behind this war. It is the closing gaps of old ancestoral spiritual wars between the Lakota and the Anishinabe. There are corners where a bit of resentment is stashed; in the name of culture and pride and entitlement and it is vigorously spent in the name of progress...and the new green economy. Indians who knock other indians for being wanna-be's are they themselves in a world of insecurity about identity. Agent Ginew is just harboring resentment about his own identity...and he is harboring it toward himself...like his business dont stink and he is the ALPHA and OMEGA of War Chiefs and everyone else is shit.

But it begs the question that ALL of Native America is on the throes of asking which is "Who the fuck am I?" Am I something that my old man would be proud of? Or would he be ashamed of me and my actions and attitudes to the point of dishing out some disapproval that I couldn't handle...? Does my daily interaction with people leave a good impression or do I act like MY way is the ONLY way...and push people away...to the point of emotional isolation? HMM? both of these apply to Ginew and WLD.

"I don't want to be a soldier; that the captain of some sinking ship would stow...far below...if you love me..why'd you let me go??? A good tune...

For me, I fight because no one told me to stop and even if they told me to; I wouldn't know how to. Too many people feel they have to fight in another's army or another's war and they promise great payouts of $30,000 or 45,000 to local charitable not for profits from the $17,000 that was paid to them from illicit and illegal fights. They offer the hope of a new world with the best of intentions and of course we know about the road that is paved with good intentions...it is slippery covered in the blood of indifference. My indifference is that i fight in my army with my orders. Thats the defining line between soldier and man. You can bark out orders like a soldier and expect that the world will dance a crow hop when any song is played...or you can be a man and lead by example...and be inclusive of the singers and the dancers and the drummers...and it will all go smoothly... or not...but at least the failure is shared and not on the shoulders of one lone ALMIGHTY gunman.

I will receive some criticism for this blog and my subsequent media frenzy. Fuck them. Who are you to tell me how I am supposed to deal with my "trauma" in this. If you don't like the battles, don't join the war. This is MY fight. If you don't like animals running free and wild, don't ask them to join the movement...and then bitch and moan when the animals thrive....

I can take the war. I am not going anywhere.

WE live. We pray. Bamaa.

Freak Power in Indian Country

My favorite political expression is “ We should not be playing partisan politics”

It begs the question “Isn’t that what you were elected for?”

America has been, and in some corners, thrives on partisanship and our tribal communities, as a microcosm of America, hold true to that as well. From the way we talk about (or don’t) talk about social issues, to the way we choose to have discussions in a loud and confrontational manner…the Hatfield and McCoy’s…it gets emotionally violent. America is the bully pulpit of “might makes right” and Tribes should not be so bold as to adopt this way. It has cost us dearly both at home and around the world.

From the “good day-bad day” US foreign relations to the “bad day-worse day” scenarios we face here in Indian Country, the important dialog isn’t happening on Avenue Q or at the tribal community centers. Our oratory is failing us in a time when it has the power to save our political lives; our spiritual lives and a lot of other people in the process. My Tribe is in its death throes and as rigor mortis sets in…the business of bully special interest government prevails over something different…something new...something that has the power to inject the body politic with high doses of epinepherine and adrenaline. Can the system handle it?

Perhaps the fault is mine and viewing Indian Country and my community from a distance (through the storm colored glasses) doesn’t serve the need inside myself to feel “a part” of the club. Maybe even in Indian Country there are still outsiders; a part of the community much akin to “the Silent Majority” of the Nixon Era. Where self-determination is being relegated to “political and economic” assimilation in minutiae. We had a clean slate to make ANY government we wanted; and we chose to model it on a system that is as corrupt and exclusionary as the feds…and the states…where the corporate (and familial) ruling of some Tribal communities excludes those of us with small families? Being left out of the discussion we ask…are our elected leaders the best ones for the job?

America was looking for change. The critics and the cynics chide those who voted for change and even now the bumper stickers are pasted; “How’s that HOPE and CHANGE working for ya?” Indian Country is much the same way…looking for a change and it is going to take more and more struggle against the dominant structures on one level and against our cousins and family on another. It is Civil War on a tribal level and it will cost us more HOPE. And the divisions will become chasms… I think it is time to inject the freak power vote in Indian Country…on the Sag Chip Reservation…for mother, god and country.

America is being forced to embrace that there are more harmonious ways of living on the planet; pulling away from coal and exposing the disasters of epic proportions (see TAR SANDS!) to embracing massive engineering projects at a local level to capture the wind and the sun; realizing the need for clean water and sustainable local food production. We as Tribal people should feel good that we won that round. We shouldn’t stick out our tongue and NYAH NYAH…(or should we) and I am not sure who is keeping score, but a one-victory season is not a lost season. As the issue of climate change and respecting the land, the air and the water…is moved forward (for better or worse depending on which side of the fence you stand) we can only hope that this GREEN INJUN-UITY… it works and we haven’t been thrown in with the others in a canoe that can’t float.

We live day by day. We pray hard. Curry for Council 09.

Bamaa.